


You're Just So Beautiful In My Eyes

by MUTTLESSBREEDING



Category: Columbine - Fandom
Genre: Columbine, Eric overheard Dylan saying some sappy bs, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I hate how i can relate to Dylan in this story, I rushed the ending, Idk they fight n shit, Like seriously wtf, M/M, Maybe they kiss, Might let them have a happy ending idk i haven't decided yet, Self-Harm, Taylor i swear i dont love you, Underage Drinking, go check it out, i wrote this while listening to Ted Bundy by THEORY, sorry-not-sorry sinners no smut in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26585860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MUTTLESSBREEDING/pseuds/MUTTLESSBREEDING
Summary: “Dyla-““H-he’s just the most beautiful person I’ve ever met...” Loud sobs emitted from the room.“A-and I’m so lucky..yknow? I’m so lucky that he chose me...out of everyone he coulda talked to...he walked up to me!” More sobs, they were starting to become painful to listen to.“I know sweetie...but why this? Why ruin your beautiful skin like this?”Oh...oh no.Not again.
Relationships: Dylric - Relationship, Eric Harris/Dylan Klebold
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	1. How Haven't You Noticed

**February 28th, 1997**

It was a miserable Saturday, and Eric was driving over to his best friend Dylan’s house. He had called and asked if he could come over, and the blonde had said he could but... Something was wrong. Eric could hear it in the taller male’s voice. He sounded like he had been crying, or that he was at least about too. So Eric had grabbed his shit and got into his car as quickly as he could, driving over the speed limit and through multiple red lights.

Immediately after Eric had parked in Dylan’s driveway, he jumped out of his vehicle and nearly ran to the front door. Weirdly enough, when Eric knocked, no one answered. Not Dylan nor his mother, Sue Klebold. Which was unusual. Sue’s car was in the driveway, and she almost always answered the door. _Well...Dylan knows I’m coming..I’m sure he won’t mind if I welcome myself in,_ Eric thought to himself, almost smugly. Now was the perfect time to scare Dylan! He would sneak in, and jump the younger male. Eric snickered evilly to himself, quietly opening the door.

The brunette snuck upstairs, doing his best to tiptoe in his combat boots. Just when he was about to open Dylan’s door..he heard voices. Two of them.

Dylan and Sue Klebold.

“Dyla-“

“H-he’s just the most beautiful person I’ve ever met...” Loud sobs emitted from the room.

“A-and I’m so lucky..yknow? I’m so lucky that he chose me...out of everyone he coulda talked to...he walked up to _me_!” More sobs, they were starting to become painful to listen to.

“I know sweetie...but why this? Why ruin your beautiful skin like this?”

Oh... _oh no_.

Not again! Eric thought to himself, praying to a non-existent God that Dylan hadn’t harmed. He promised he would stop.

Eric should’ve known better.

The short boy had the urge to burst into the room and yell at Dylan but fought it. He needed to know who Dylan was talking about.

“I-I’m sorry mom,” Dylan whispered. It was a good thing the walls were so thin, or Eric probably wouldn’t have heard him.

“Well...Dylan...just know that..” Sue cleared her throat, “I support you no matter what.”

“Huh?” Dylan sounded shocked, and Eric could precisely imagine the wide-eyed, open-mouthed look on his face.

“M-mom, I-I’m not...I’m not..l-like that! I-I’m not a fag!” Eric could hear a soft slap take place, then Sue scolding her son for saying such a foul word. Once everything had cooled down once again, Sue asked, “well..you like him, don’t you?”

“I mean..m-maybe...I dunno. B-but I’m not gay...I don’t like guys. He’s just..just..different.” Dylan sniffled, probably rubbing his nose on his sleeve. After that things were quiet for a while, Eric had no clue what was going on. Next thing he knew the doorknob was turning, and he was face-to-face with a teary-eyed Dylan.

“E-Eric,” he whimpered. His voice was far to hoarse to speak any louder. If he could he’d probably be yelling. “How long have to been listening?” Eric just open and closed his mouth repeatedly like a goldfish, unsure of what to say. He was about to just turn and leave before he blurted out, “who were you talking about?”

Dylan’s expression morphed from shock to anger to...exhaustion. He was about to respond when Sue walked out next to him, placing a hand on her son’s back, looking Eric right in the eyes and saying, “you, honey.” Dylan gave her a look of alarm, while Sue just leaned up and mumbled something into his ear, patting him on the back and walking away. Then the two boys were left all alone.

Dylan, with his head hung in shame, softly sniffling every few seconds, and Eric, with his hands stuffed into his pockets, eyes shifting around for something to stare at. Finally, Dylan spoke up. “Wanna...wanna come in?” Eric nodded, a bit too hastily. They both shuffled into Dylan’s room.

Dylan flopped onto his bed, looking tired, while Eric sat at the desk chair. “You’re wearing a long-sleeved shirt,” Eric pointed out, numbly.

“Yeah.”

“Did you-“

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Dylan didn’t answer.

They sat there in uncomfortable silence. Finally, “I’m not a fag.”

“I heard.” Dylan glared at him, looking angrier than Eric had ever remembered seeing him.

“I mean it!” Eric looked at him, scowling slightly,

“I know.”

Dylan jumped up, pacing. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?!” His hands were flying wildly. Dylan always paced when he was either anxious or angry.

“Well, what do you expect me to say?” Eric snapped. “I dunno! Something! Anything! Tell me that you hate me! That you don’t want to see me ever again! That you think I’m disgusting and that you can’t believe you ever let yourself become friends with me!” Eric tried staying silent during Dylan’s whole tangent, but his rage got the best of him. “Do you really think I’d ever think of you like that, V? Do you really think that down of me? Goddamn. All you fucking do is assume the worse of everything! All you do is fucking worry! If you were to pull your head out of your ass for even a second you’d realize I feel the same fucking way, you dickhead! You moron! You- you-!” Eric let out a muffled scream of anguish through clenched teeth. All he could see was red, and he probably hadn’t felt this angry at Dylan...ever.

Eric buried his face in his hands, taking deep breaths. He didn’t even notice Dylan staring at him with his mouth dropped. He looked like a total jackass. Silence fell upon them both, once again. Although this time it was much tenser. After a little bit, Dylan sat back down on his bed.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Eric sat next to Dylan. He started to try and rip off his shirt. “E-Eric, wh-what are you-“

“Shut up. Take your fucking shirt off. And stop calling me Eric, you fucking asshole.” Dylan did as he was told. Now, there was nothing sexual or anything about Eric wanting Dylan shirtless, he just wanted to see his best friend’s newest cuts. And yes, he could’ve just asked the blonde to pulled up his sleeve, but at that moment he was being stubborn.

“Jesus Christ, VoDKa.” Was all Eric had to say about it.

”yeah...” Eric sighed, awkwardly draping his arms around Dylan, burying his face in the other's neck. Dylan hesitantly wrapped his lanky arms around Eric, pulling the brunette closer. They stayed there like that until it got weird, then they pulled away.

”So,” Dylan fidgeted with the gray long-sleeved shirt that he had been wearing a few moments ago.

“Yeah,” Eric said, feeling just as dumbfounded as Dylan on what next.

“So you...uh...feel the same?” Eric paused before nodding.

“For how long-?”

“About a year.”

“Oh.” Eric sighed. He scooted closer to Dylan, resting his head on the blonde’s shoulder. Grabbing Dylan’s hand and holding it, Eric used his free hand to gently brush his fingers over the deep scars on his pale skin.

“V, you promised-“

“I-I'm so sorry, Reb.” Eric looked up at his friend, realizing he was probably about to start crying again.

“Oh God- Dylan please don’t cry, please please please.” Eric knew that if Dylan started crying, so would he. Eric loved to act all strong and emotionless; like he didn’t care. But in all honesty, seeing his best (and only) friend in pain hurt Eric more than he could ever explain.

Dylan sniffed, leaning his head up and trying his best to blink away tears. At that moment Eric noticed how long Dylan’s eyelashes were.

"What next?" Dylan asked after awhile. It was a question neither of them knew how to answer.

"Well we probably shouldn't date."

"Yeah."

"Because I'm not a fag, and neither are you."

"Correct"

"So...we both agree on staying friends?"

"I guess so."

"Okay." Silence, once again. Why was everything so awkward?

"So, uh...I should go-" Eric stood up, biting his lip.

"Reb, wait." Eric turned to look at Dylan, who was staring at him with pleading eyes.

"Please don't go." Eric slowly nodded, sitting back next to Dylan, "Should we play some doom?" Dylan eagerly nodded, and Eric sat up once again to get it all set up.

**2 Months Later**

"Could I get a medium Reese's flurry and cookie dough ice cream in a sugar cone?" The worker at Sweet Temptations nodded, giving Dylan a sweet smile. Eric glared at her before softly nudging the boy next to him. "You know me too well." Dylan grinned, "I know." He said, cockily, earning himself another nudge.

A short 5 minutes later, and the two boys had their ice cream. They ate their treats and walked, with Eric, stealing a few bites of Dylan's flurry. They soon found themselves at the park near the library.

"C'mon, Reb, let's go on the swings," Dylan suggested, throwing away his empty cup. Eric nodded, quickly finishing his ice cream and running over to the swings, getting there before Dylan. They swung for a little bit before just sitting on the swings, both of them just enjoying the cloudy weather. It was chilly out, and the sky was dark. It wasn't exactly the ideal day to go out for ice cream, but that didn't bother either of the boys. Dylan took Eric's hand and pulled the older boy in for a sweet, sticky kiss. They made out for a while, for once not worrying about getting caught. Today was not the kind of day people went outside. Especially when it started raining. Dylan thought back to the night that started it all.

**Two months ago**

_Eric and Dylan had spent the night playing Doom, both of them trying to get past the awkwardness of before. At some point, the blonde had put his shirt back on. They sat as far away from each other as the bed would allow. They were cracking jokes, and sipping on Dylan's Vodka as they always would, but everything felt off. At around 3am, Dylan started chugging the alcohol from the bottle. Eric took the bottle from him and did the same. Once they were both drunk as shit, everything started feeling less tense. Dylan had flopped down on his side, the game forgotten. Eric had put in a random movie (which happened to be Nightmare On Elm Street 3), before snuggling up next to the taller male. And in his drunken stupor, Eric had leaned up and kissed Dylan. The boys kissed until they fell asleep, and that morning they made it official. They had been dating ever since._

**Present Day**

"Hey, Reb?" Dylan pulled away from the heated kiss, his hands wrapping around the chains of the swing.

"Hm?" Eric looked into the other's blue eyes, raising an eyebrow.

"I love you." Eric gently hit him on the arm, "I love you, too, VoDKa."


	2. "I Used Too Cut"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I originally wasn't planning on writing a chapter two, but here I am, so enjoy

**November 4th, 1998**

Eric and Dylan had been dating for more then a year now. They've had their ups and downs, just like any couple. They've had to face constant homophobia brought down on them by their classmates and families, they've stayed close through every disagreement, and they even managed through the two months that Eric had been gone on vacation for. But one thing still seems to be keeping them just at arm's length. That one thing was Dylan's self-harming.

The blonde would go a few weeks clean before relapsing, which came with the same blowup that it did every time.

Dylan was trying to stop, he was. But the urges were just too strong, and Eric couldn't always be there for him. 

Sometimes, if it was really bad, Dylan would try to hide it. But Eric always seemed to find out, no matter where the cuts were. 

That night they were celebrating two months clean. The longest Dylan had gone without cutting in years. It was just the two of them, Reb and VoDKa, hanging out in Eric's basement. They had the house all to themselves, and they were both enjoying themselves.

At least, they were trying to.

Something was quite visibly off with Dylan, anyone could see it, and Eric was trying fruitlessly to cheer him up.

Dylan sipped on his Dr. Pepper while Eric ranted on about something someone did...sometime. He had no clue. Dylan just couldn't focus. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the feeling of Eric's warm hand on top of his cold one, and the blonde suddenly realized that Eric had gone quiet, and was staring at him. "Reb? You okay?" He asked softly, offering up something of a smile to his boyfriend. 

"I'm fine, you don't need to worry about me, V. How are _you?_ I mean, it's been _two months!_ That has to feel good...right?" And by the look on Dylan's face, it was obvious he didn't feel good about it, that it hadn't been two months. That he had cheated. 

He had cut.

Eric sighed, not saying anything as he stood up. He started to pace. 

"Reb-"

"Dylan. Please." Dylan frowned. Eric never called him by his first name like that. Especially in that tone of voice. 

"E-Eric- please don't be mad," The blonde pleaded. He didn't want to fight, not anymore. He knew that he and Eric far passed the Honeymoon Phase of their relationship, and that fights were supposed to happen. But he just wanted to stop fighting about this.

"Dyl- I'm not mad really...I-I just..." Eric stopped pacing, standing with his back to Dylan. His voice was shaky and unstable, and Dylan terrified on what was to come next- _is Reb gonna break up with me?_

"I-I'm just really fuckin' hurt, man," Eric kicked the empty soda bottle right next to him, he turned to face his boyfriend, "did you really feel like you had to hide it from me? Like...I know I yell sometimes, but it's just because I really love you, V! And I want to see you better, y'know? For fucks sake...Seeing you with those...those goddamn cuts- I can't take it! I can't stand seeing you hurt yourself like this!" Dylan got up, and in one swift motion, he waltzed over to Eric and hugged him, drapping his lanky body around his boyfriend.

Their cheeks were pressed against each other, and Dylan held Eric tight as if he were afraid of letting the other go. Eric was standing on his tip-toes, with one hand in Dylan's mess of a hairdo, and the other wrapped around his chest. They stayed like that for a while, and it was quiet until Eric started speaking again.

"Am I not enough? Is there something- _anything_ \- I can do to help? Wh-where'd you do it this time? And for fucks sake, Dyl, _why are you still doing this?_ " As Dylan was bombarded with questions, he was about to start answering them, honestly, when the last question threw him off.

 _"Why are you still doing this?"_ Like hell did he know. _Was it for the pain? Maybe. Blood? Probably not...Scars? Possibly._

Dylan had no fucking clue. 

"U-uh, o-of course- it has nothing to do with you, Reb. Y-you're fuckn' perfect! I'm not sure how you could help...a-and I did it on my thighs.." He slightly pulled away, feeling more disgusted than he ever remembered feeling.

"Dyl? Are you okay, you're looking a bit pale-"

"I'm fine-!" With that Dylan shoved Eric away from him, grabbing his trench coat, and starting to rush upstairs.

"V, wait-"

"S-sorry, Reb. I gotta go-" With that, Dylan slammed the door on Eric, leaving him feeling alone, and scared of what his boyfriend might do. 

**2 Weeks Later**

_Where the fuck is Dylan?_ Eric thought to himself, bouncing his leg anxiously while trying to pay attention to whatever it was the teacher was droning on about.

Eric hadn't seen his boyfriend since the little breakdown he had two weeks ago. He tried asking Sue about him- but she just brushed him off, getting in her car to go to work. And a few weeks ago, Eric and Dylan's History teacher had gotten a call from the principle in the middle of class. He hadn't called out Dylan's name during attendance check that day. None of his teachers had since that day.

Eric was so fucking worried.

He went through the rest of the school day, rushing over to Dylan's house once it had ended. He ran into Dylan's brother Bryon exiting the home- probably off to go visit his girlfriend.

"Bryon! Wait!" Eric quickly parked his car, running over to the blonde.

"Yeah, Eric?" He said, sounding frustrated. 

"Where is Dylan?" Eric frowned, his concern showing in his green eyes. Bryon shifted uncomfortably, literally cringing at the question. He looked around like he was making sure no one was watching them, then Bryon leaned closer to Eric, whispering, "you really wanna know?"

Eric nodded.

Bryon pulled away, leaning against his car door. "He's at Hillside." Eric's jaw dropped. Hillside was Littleton's very own, crappy, "learning and behavior center." It was known for having shitty employees and the worse ways of "helping" whoever signed in there. 

" _What_?" 

"I know."

"Why-"

"He tried killing himself."

"Oh." _Dylan tried killing himself? Was it my fault? Fuck...I should've chased after him. I shouldn't have pushed him. I should've told him I love him. I should've-_

"Dude, you okay? You're looking a little sick."

"C-can I go visit him?" Eric asked desperately, to which Bryon shook his head.

"Family only"

"But-"

"I'm sorry, Eric. There's nothing I can do. Although, I am going to go visit him, is there anything you'd like me to tell him?" Eric stared at the ground.

"J-just that I l-love and miss him..." Eric said, without thinking. Realizing what he had just said, Eric snapped his head back up to look at Bryon. He expected the blonde to be giving him a look of disgust, but instead, Bryon looked sympathetic.

"Sure thing dude...See you."

"Yeah."

"Eric." Eric glanced back at Bryon, who was giving him a serious look. "If you ever need anything- I got you."

Eric nodded, and with that, Bryon got in his vehicle and drove off, leaving Eric standing in the Klebold driveway. Still in shock.

_Why, Dylan? Why'd you have to do this to me..._

**Three Weeks Later**

Eric and Dylan had started writing letters to each other.

Eric wrote to his boyfriend every day, while Dylan hardly ever wrote, with Bryon being the messenger for them both. 

Eric had only received 5 letters from Dylan, and all of them were short and cold. Dylan wasn't just physically far away, but he was also mentally distant. 

Eric tried his best to get Dylan to say things. Asking questions like, "how are things?", "have you met anyone interesting?", "what's it like there?"

All he ever got was: "I'm ok." with no answers to any of his other questions. Dylan was so closed off, and with the letters being the only way of contacting him, Eric was fucking dying. He missed his boyfriend so goddamn much, he often thought about pretending to attempt suicide just so he could get put into Hillside.

Bryon told Eric that it would be another two months before Dylan could maybe be released. Eric wasn't sure that he could wait that long.

\---

_12/21/98_

_VoDKa-_

_How are you? I know you hate me always asking, but I'm not gonna stop asking until you tell me the truth._

_I can't believe we're not gonna spent Christmas together. I can't remember last time we didn't go out and spend the day in the parking lot of McDonald's. Fun times..._

_I miss you so much._

_Love, REB._

_(P.S. sometimes I wonder if I should just break you out of that hellhole)_

_\---_

_12/22/98_

_REB-_

_can I be honest with you? I have no fucking clue what I'm gonna do without you. I'm probably gonna end up crying into my pillow, then pretend that I haven't been crying because if they ever find out about how I've been crying myself asleep they're never gonna let me go._

_I miss you so fucking much eric, all I do is think of you. all I want to do is see you._

_Christmas is gonna suck._

_love, VoDKa_

_(P.S. please please please get me the fuck outta here)_

_\---_

While Eric read his newest letter from Dylan, joy overcame him. The letter contained probably the most Dylan had ever said about how he was feeling. Dylan had mentioned 'them' before, although Eric didn't exactly know who 'they' are. He just assumed that 'they' were the workers at took care of Dylan.

Eric's feeling of joy quickly disappeared as what Dylan had wrote sunk in. ' _im probably gonna end up crying into my pillow, then pretend that I haven't been crying because if they ever find out about how I've been crying myself asleep they're never gonna let me go.'_

Was Dylan really crying himself to sleep every night?

_God all I wanna do is sneak into Dylan's room and cuddle him._

_\---_

_12/25/98_

_REB-_

_merry fuckin Christmas._

_I have a present for you hiding in my closet- feel free to go dig it up._

_as you can probably tell, I'm making Bryon give this to you on Christmas day. he doesn't want to, but fuck him._

_I love you, and I hope you enjoy your Christmas._

_VoDKa_

_\---_

Eric unlocked the Klebold home's door, using the spare key Dylan had given him awhile ago. The house was empty, since the family was at Bryon's girlfriend's place, celebrating Chrismas with her family. He stomped up to Dylan's room, sadness enveloping him. He hadn't been in here in weeks. 

Eric pushed the feeling away, going over to Dylan's closet. He reached up, grabbing the cardboard box that had been sitting on the top shelf.

Setting it on Dylan's desk, he goes back to the closet and grabbed Dylan's KMFDM shirt, a black hoodie, and Dylan's trench coat. They were now his (for the time being at least.) Eric sniffed the shirt and hugged it immediately once he realized it still smelled like Dylan. He then shrugged on the hoodie, throwing the other clothes on Dylan's bed. He grabbed the box, plopped down on the bed, and started opening it.

In the box, Eric found multiple things. He found a brand new knife (the one Eric had been begging for), a Rammstein shirt Dylan had probably gotten from Hot Topic, a DOOM poster, and a little love poem from Dylan to Eric, that had Eric in tears. Dylan had ended the poem with a personal note that read:

_I love you, Eric with all my heart. Thank you so much for dealing with my bullshit, and staying with me through every relapse. I truly don't deserve you. And sorry for being so sappy...you know how I am. Once again, love you_

Dylan had also drawn a bunch of hearts all over the page, which made Eric softly laugh.

_\---_

_12/25/98_

_VoDKa-_

_dude fuck you, I'm crying, this gift is amazing. swear to a nonexistent god you know me too well._

_with this letter, you'll find a box with your present, and let me I promise you it's just as great (if not better) than yours, so you better fuckin enjoy it._

_merry bitchmas, you lovable dickface._

_REB_

_\---_

_12/26/98_

_REB-_

_Vodka?? you got me vodka?? holy fuck I missed that shit. also, you're right, I absolutely loved it._

_Can't wait to see you again, fuckface._

_Love, VoDKa_

_\---_

Eric had gotten Dylan a bottle of vodka, one of Eric's hoodies (the one Dylan loves the most), and a Stephen King book Dylan had always talked about reading. Eric was glad to hear that Dylan had in fact loved it.

**Three Months Later**

"Are you excited to see Eric?" Dylan hardly even heard his mom speaking, he was to busy staring out the car window, watching the world pass them by.

"Mhm.." Sue worriedly glanced at her son.

"Dylan-"

"Mom, I'm okay, really," Dylan gave her a convincing smile, which seemed to reassure her.

They were soon pulling in to Eric's driveway, Dylan had convinced Sue to let him stay his first night free with Eric.

Dylan got out, slowly walking to the front door. He seemed to be lost in a daze. Dylan waved his mother goodbye, watching as she drives away.

Dylan shyly opened the door, almost scared of what was gonna happen. _God, Reb is gonna be so pissed at me..._

Dylan had expected Eric to scold him for being so selfish, or at least give him the cold shoulder (since Dylan hadn't told Eric about how he was coming over.)

The total opposite happened.

"Eric! Come up here, sweetie, someone wants to see you!" Eric's mom had yelled after welcoming Dylan into her humble home. 

"What?" Eric had grumbled, stomping up the stairs. His grumpy mood immediately disappearing once he had seen Dylan.

Eric ran over to Dylan, practically tackling him. Eric jumped up on him, wrapping his arms and legs around Dylan, causing the blonde to stumble back a few paces. Dylan wrapped his arms around Eric, managing to hold him. Eric started to cry, burying his face into Dylan's chest as he sobbed. One hand was tightly tugging on Dylan's hair, while the other was wrapped around Dylan's neck, nearly choking the male.

"I-I missed you too-" Dylan choked out, Eric pressing his lips against Dylan's.

By this point, Katherine had left the room to give the boys some space. 

They kissed until Dylan couldn't feel his arms anymore, then he put Eric down. Eric took Dylan's hand in his, going downstairs. 

Eric was anxious to see Dylan's wrists, at the moment they were hidden by his sleeves.

The shorted male wiped his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears streaking down his face. Once they were both in Eric's room, he locked the door, pushing Dylan onto the bed. Eric laid on his chest, snuggling close to him.

They stayed like that for a long while, not speaking. What were they supposed to say? 

Of course, they had a big elephant in the room one of them needed to address, but it was fine for now. At least that's what they had hoped.

**2 Weeks Later**

"Eric, you and Dylan need to talk about what happened." Eric sighed, he knew Brooks was right. He just didn't want to accept it.

By this point, everyone at Columbine High had already figured out what had happened to Dylan. The gossip was everywhere. The only upside to it was that the jocks had been (mostly) leaving Eric and Dylan alone. 

"I know, Brooks...but how? Also, why the hell are you telling this to me?"

Brooks slightly shrugged, answering truthfully, "Dylan told me that he's scared that you're mad at him, he's also worried about starting the conversation himself in case you don't want to talk about it. I told him that he was being stupid, but he won't listen. Also, talking about what he did shouldn't be that hard. Dylan would tell you anything you wanted to know. Just sit him down somewhere you both feel comfortable and ask whatever it is you want to know. Y'know, things like _why_ he did it or something."

Eric gave Brooks a look of confusion, "when the hell did you grow a brain?" Which earned him a nudge. 

"Shut up, you know I'm right." Eric sighed once again, grabbing his backpack, he bid farewell to Brooks before going to him and Dylan's meeting place. 

"Hey, Reb," Dylan sneaked a short kiss, letting Eric steal a sip of his soda after. 

"Hey, V."

"My house?"

"Sounds good," the two then walked over to Dylan's car, with Eric opening the door for Dylan. The blonde rolled his eyes ( _"duudddeee!" "Oh shut it, you know you love it.")_

Eric drove them to Dylan's house, and a half-hour later they were both lounging around in Dylan's room, with Nine Inch Nails playing softly. 

It was time, Eric knew it. He still really didn't want to have to do it.

"Uh...V?'

"Y-yeah?" Dylan seemed nervous. He must also know that it was time.

"Why?" Eric whispered, biting his lip, he glanced at Dylan, sitting crossed legged on the bed. Eric was laying on his back with his head hanging off the edge.

Dylan looked down at his lap, fidgeted with his fingers. He slowly started to pull off his sleeves, allowing Eric to see his wrists for the first time since Dylan had tried to kill himself. Eric sat up, adjusting himself so he was sitting in front of Dylan. He grabbed the blonde's wrist, turning them over so he could see the scars. 

"Dyl-" Eric looked up at Dylan's face, expecting him to look guilty or at least a little sad. Instead, Dylan was scowling. Eric recognized the look on his face.

 _The one I hate._ _"What look, Reb?" You may be asking yourself. Well, it was VoDKa's 'fuck you, and even though I know I'm not just hurting myself, I can do whatever I want with my body' look. Now, you may be wondering, "well, Reb, why do you hate it then, isn't that just Dylan being in VoDKa mode?" And no, it's different. This VoDKa wasn't the one I loved. This VoDKa was totally unfun and kinda a jerk. Don't get me wrong, Dylan's a fucking jackass, but at least he's usually nice about it._

_Once I had talked to Dylan about this side of him. He had called it his "DEATH" mode._

**_Flashback_ **

_Eric and Dylan had just had a big blow up. He had cut again. It was pretty bad. Eric had walked in on Dylan doing it. He hadn't seen much, just a lot of blood. So much fucking blood. The fight had been intense, and Eric had nearly stormed out of the house. Thankfully it had died down before that had happened._

_At the moment, they were cuddling in Dylan's bed, holding each other like the end of the world was coming. "Hey, Dyl?" Eric whispered, receiving a soft grunt from Dylan as an invite to continue, "the way you were acting earlier...all closed off 'nd shit...what the hell was up with that?" Dylan sighed._

_"I dunno, Reb. You know how you have a Reb mode and I have a VoDKa mode?" Eric nodded, of course, he did. "Well...it's kind of like that. I just feel so...so.... **disgusting** , and I just feel like I no one understands, and that explaining it isn't even worth my time because everyone is just so...inferior compared to me..." Dylan explained slowly, adding as an afterthought, "I usually think of it as 'DEATH'.."_

**Present Day**

_I really don't want to deal with this side of him right now._

"Dyl- please don't become all closed off. Please. I'm not mad, or disappointed, o-or anything like that. I-I just...just-"

"You want to know why I was just about to up and abandon you," Dylan stated bluntly, making sure Eric understood that he knew it as a fact.

"Yeah.." Eric murmured, looking back down at Dylan's wrists he noticed something else. Newer looking cuts. They had to have been at least a week old. "You cut?!" Eric snapped his head back up to look at Dylan again.

Dylan glared at a random spot on his bed, biting his lip and nodding. "My first day back..."

"Why? Dylan that place was supposed to-"

"Help me? Yeah right! That place made me fucking miserable, all I wanted to do was fucking die!" Dylan finally looked at Eric, hatred in his eyes. He pulled away his arms, roughly pushing down his sleeves and crossing his arms. 

"I-I know, V. B-but I was at least hoping that..."

"That what, that they'd 'fix' me? Do really think of me as _broken,_ Reb? You think I need _fixing_?" Dylan snapped, which only succeeded in pissing Eric off. Dylan never used his codename in such a cruel manner.

"Stop fucking putting words into my mouth! I never said any of that shit! _No,_ I don't think of you as _broken_ and I don't think you need _fixing_. _I just want you to be happy! I want you to stop cutting! I fucking want you to tell me why the hell you ever thought you could just leave me with all these stupid assholes! I just fucking want to know why you tried to abandon me!"_ By this point Eric was sobbing, his face in his hands. 

Those three months Eric had spent alone in this hellhole town had been so fucking painful. He had been forced to deal with all of the stupid jocks all by himself. He had no one to call when he was bored, and he had no one he could talk to while he was hurting. And along with all that, Dylan was being so closed off and distant, Eric felt just as alone as he had when Dylan was in Hillside.

"Eric.." Eric didn't move or even react. "Eric- please." Dylan carefully peeled his hands from his face. Eric sniffled, refusing to look at Dylan.

"Hey, I'm sorry," Dylan said softly, intertwining their fingers together. Eric looked into the blonde's eyes and could see that he was being genuine. 

Eric turned around, pushing himself into Dylan's lap. Dylan wrapped his arms around him.

After a few seconds, Dylan whispered, "Do you really want to know why I tried...k-killing myself?"

Eric hesitantly nodded.

"I...I felt disgusted with myself. I felt like I had failed you...I felt like such a burden. I mean...for some reason you stayed by my side even though all I ever did was hurt you every day. You never stopped believing in me. And I felt like such a waste. I thought that if I were to just...kill myself, I wouldn't ever be able to hurt you again." Dylan shrugged. "I know it''s stupid but-"

"That's not stupid," Eric muttered, tilting his head up to look at him.

Dylan gave him a sad smile. "I'm so sorry for being such an asshole, Reb...I never wanted to hurt you."

"I believe you, shitdick." Dylan dryly laughed.

The two boys continued talking, and together they figured out a plan to help Dylan stop harming. It was going to be hard, but Dylan was finally ready.

"So anytime you wanna harm- just give me a call, and I'll come running. I'll fuckin bring whatever it is you want. Blankets? I got you. Chocolate? I got you. You wanna watch a movie and cuddle? I got yo-"

"Eric. I get it."

"Do you, though? I don't think you understand-"

"Reb. Shut up."

".."

".."

"..I love you.."

"Yeah, I love you, too, dumbass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ending. is so useless. i cannot with myself. smh.

**Author's Note:**

> This started out good, then slowly went to shit


End file.
